My Roadblock

This week has been far and away the worst of my life. I would be dishonest if I said right now that I'm ok; so, I wont lie to everyone. Something inside of me is broken. I don't think it's my heart, but it is definitly a wrenching feeling somewhere in my chest. It is absolutely tearing me apart to see my best friend hurting so badly. I want to run to her, give her a hug, and tell her everything is going to be ok, but I can't. God needs me to run to Him, and to guide my best friend to Him too. I want so badly for my best friend to know that it's not her fault that I'm hurting. Yes, it does make me sad to see my best friend hurting so badly, but it isn't her fault that this was such a bad week or me.

The thing I'm stuggling with the most right now is giving everything to Jesus. I'm finding out more about myself this week than I ever have before. I've realized that even though I say it everyday, and I tell other people to do it...I don't completely trust Jesus. That is my biggest struggle right now. I have been convincing myself for the past year that I gave my entire life to Jesus, but the truth of the matter is that now that there is something in my life that I don't want to give up. I'm having a very hard time trusting the Lord. I know that giving it up for now is what I need to do, but I keep going back and forth. I guess the reason I'm writing this is to say that the two goals I have set for myself are to pray without ceasing as Paul suggested, and to become a man after God's own heart like David. I have hit a roadblock on my path, but please know that even though it's taking me a little time to climb over it; I will make it over, and I will learn to trust the Lord with everything in my life. Just keep praying for me.

-Matt-