So, it is the day after Thanksgiving, and I think we all lost sight of the meaning somewhere around 11:30 last night. Today, "Black Friday", is a holiday killer in my mind. It causes us to forget that we were giving thanks for all the things that we take for granted, and depletes our bank accounts just in time for Christmas. It makes me sad to think that our nation has gotten so caught up in our own consumerism that we have forgotten what these holidays are all about. Christmas was never meant to be a holiday about gifts, and Thanksgiving was never meant to be about a turkey.
For those of us who do not have any money it is easy to stay home on "Black Friday" and wish we had money for all the "incredible sales", but I think it is truly a blessing to be broke. I think that God is using this time in my life to teach me the true meaning of these holidays that I have mistreated in the past. So, lets us remember this holiday season that Christmas is not about gifts, and yesterday was not about turkey. Lets make a point of focusing on God this holiday season.
~Matt~
Friday, November 28, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
The Antithesis of Hurting...
Today I woke up with a heavy heart. The reason my heart is so heavy is because Jesus is inside of it breaking away all the bad things that I have let into my heart. I know the process is going to take a long time, but it needs to happen. I have not been allowing Jesus to take complete control of my heart because every time that I do He shows me something that I don't like about myself, and that I don't want to change. I need to feel the pain of Him breaking my heart down so that he can heal it, and build it back up again. It's going to take time, and there will definitly be pain involved, but I'm ready to have my heart restored again. I'm ready to let go, and allow Jesus to take my life completely from me. I'm finally willing to trust Him.
~Matt~
~Matt~
Sunday, November 16, 2008
When Loneliness is the Strongest Emotion...Jesus is the best choice...
Outside of the children that I teach in Sunday school, I have had no human interaction today. However, I have had some of the best conversations that I can remember today. I would be lying if I said I haven't been lonely, but talking to Jesus all afternoon was great. Even though a good portion of it was silence, the presence of the Lord was good enough for me. The Lord told me some things today that I have been needing to hear for quite some time now. Some of them were encouraging, and some of the things He told me were very hard to accept. I struggled with the Lord today, but the nearness is what I needed. It doesn't matter if He beat me up a little. I just needed to be close to Him.
Today is one of those days when I wish I was extravagantly rich so that I could just fly away without a care. Today, I want to fly to the Himalayas and get lost in the mountains for a couple of years. I want to be in a place where there is nothing but God's unstained creation all around me. I want to be so immersed in His spirit that I have to beg for a break just to catch my breath, but I never want that break to come. I just want His presence to engulf me so that nothing that is not of Him can get through the force field of His goodness that surrounds me. I want to be so near to my Lord that everyone around me sees Him first, and I never want that to change. I have been chasing after the Lord for a long time now, but this time I am not going to give up at the first sign of fatigue. The Lord will be my strength, and I will never tire in my pursuit after Him. It is truly a shame that I do not have a couple million dollars lying around to travel the world and be alone with my creator, but I guess that means I'll just need to be a little more creative myself in trying to pursue Him.
~Matt~
Today is one of those days when I wish I was extravagantly rich so that I could just fly away without a care. Today, I want to fly to the Himalayas and get lost in the mountains for a couple of years. I want to be in a place where there is nothing but God's unstained creation all around me. I want to be so immersed in His spirit that I have to beg for a break just to catch my breath, but I never want that break to come. I just want His presence to engulf me so that nothing that is not of Him can get through the force field of His goodness that surrounds me. I want to be so near to my Lord that everyone around me sees Him first, and I never want that to change. I have been chasing after the Lord for a long time now, but this time I am not going to give up at the first sign of fatigue. The Lord will be my strength, and I will never tire in my pursuit after Him. It is truly a shame that I do not have a couple million dollars lying around to travel the world and be alone with my creator, but I guess that means I'll just need to be a little more creative myself in trying to pursue Him.
~Matt~
The Blueprints to the Disaster I have Created...
I've noticed a pattern in my life. Whenever I am given something or buy something, like a video game for example, I feel like I must conquer it. I enjoy it to its fullest extent, and then I trade it back in for something new. I hate this pattern in my life, and there are so many things that I wish I hadn't tried to "conquer." I want to learn how to slow down and appreciate what I have, and grow fonder of what I have with everyday. What I've learned is that if you rush through something great you have the tendency to miss a lot of the good parts because, you're way too focused on getting to the ending.
I am pretty upset with myself today. I have been living my life in patterns, and I am so sick of it. The patterns that have been established in my life are hurting the only people I care about, and I need to break these habits. I don't try to live the way I do...I just need to learn how to slow down, and not take the things I have in life for granted. I am such an idiot for not being careful with the things God has put in my life, and I don't tolerate myself being stupid. The only thing I can do today is seek the Lord and ask for His forgiveness. I need Jesus in my life so badly right now...I just need Him to hold me.
~Matt~
*************************************************
Today I have nothing better to do than read my Bible, pray, and write on my blog. So, that is what I'll do. I am being reminded today that the love of God is unconditional, and even though I have been dishonoring my Holy Father with my actions...He still loves me.
Some verses that I have read today:
1Co. 10:23-24
Song of Solomon 2:7
Prov. 3:5-6
Mt. 22:37
Mt. 5:8
Is. 30:20-21
Eccl. 3:1-9
Ps. 91
Ps. 23
Jude 1:17-23
Rev. 4:8-11
Eph. 3:14-21
1Co 13: 4-13
I am pretty upset with myself today. I have been living my life in patterns, and I am so sick of it. The patterns that have been established in my life are hurting the only people I care about, and I need to break these habits. I don't try to live the way I do...I just need to learn how to slow down, and not take the things I have in life for granted. I am such an idiot for not being careful with the things God has put in my life, and I don't tolerate myself being stupid. The only thing I can do today is seek the Lord and ask for His forgiveness. I need Jesus in my life so badly right now...I just need Him to hold me.
~Matt~
*************************************************
Today I have nothing better to do than read my Bible, pray, and write on my blog. So, that is what I'll do. I am being reminded today that the love of God is unconditional, and even though I have been dishonoring my Holy Father with my actions...He still loves me.
Some verses that I have read today:
1Co. 10:23-24
Song of Solomon 2:7
Prov. 3:5-6
Mt. 22:37
Mt. 5:8
Is. 30:20-21
Eccl. 3:1-9
Ps. 91
Ps. 23
Jude 1:17-23
Rev. 4:8-11
Eph. 3:14-21
1Co 13: 4-13
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Are you educated?
The question, "what is an educated person?" Came up in class today, and I don't think that I agreed with my teacher's perspective on the topic. In class, the teacher drew two parallel lines on the white board and called it a road. He said that this road was our path of learning, and unless we goes outside of that path to learn new things; we are not considered to be educated people.
I disagree. I think that college is a season of life in which we take classes specific to our future vocations. This teacher of mine said that he believes that we need to go outside of our majors to learn many different trades instead of just one. My argument to that was that during this season of life we should be focusing on of specific majors, and any extra study should be done after/outside of college. I think it's ok to do independant study while you're in school, but when it interferes with your end goal it isn't necessary. I believe that someone can start a major in business at a big university, only talk to people in his/her department, graduate, and even though this person didn't study anything outside their major; they can be considered educated.
I stated in the previous paragraph that I believe that extra study should be saved for after/outside of college. I absolutely believe that even a college graduate can be considered uneducated if they discontinue their studies after they finish college. There are so many things that as adults we need to know beyond what college teaches us, and I think that if we quit studying after we finish college that we are just wasting the vast majority of our lives. The typical college student graduates with their bachelors degree between the ages of 21-23 years old. The average human lives to be 65-70 years old. So, if a person we're to quit studying at the age of 23 imagine how uneducated they would be compared to what they have the potential to be.
So, basically, my point is that I beieve that just because someone doesn't study a bunch of different topics in college; doesn't mean that they are uneducated. I believe that it is important to pursue further education after college whether it is in the form of getting another degree, or if it is just reading the newspaper every day. I believe that forcing students to take classes that have nothing to do with thier majors is wrong, and I believe that liberal arts colleges who believe in that structure of education set their students up to fail. They keep their students in school longer than they should be in school because, their students are not taking the classes that they need to graduate. The teacher who suggested this liberal arts idea to me is one of the administrative staff who makes a lot of decisions for our school, and I feel like the school I go to is failing because of this liberal arts mindset that they unknowingly practice. Students here do not typically graduate on time, and it's becuase the ones who are not ministry majors have to take a load of classes that have nothing to do with their specific majors. I have suffered because of this, and I feel really bad for any student who has to go through the same struggles that I've had at this school. I am looking forward to transfering in the next couple months, and I am definitly excited about getting a real education. I just hope that I'm not too far behind because of this school.
~Matt~
I disagree. I think that college is a season of life in which we take classes specific to our future vocations. This teacher of mine said that he believes that we need to go outside of our majors to learn many different trades instead of just one. My argument to that was that during this season of life we should be focusing on of specific majors, and any extra study should be done after/outside of college. I think it's ok to do independant study while you're in school, but when it interferes with your end goal it isn't necessary. I believe that someone can start a major in business at a big university, only talk to people in his/her department, graduate, and even though this person didn't study anything outside their major; they can be considered educated.
I stated in the previous paragraph that I believe that extra study should be saved for after/outside of college. I absolutely believe that even a college graduate can be considered uneducated if they discontinue their studies after they finish college. There are so many things that as adults we need to know beyond what college teaches us, and I think that if we quit studying after we finish college that we are just wasting the vast majority of our lives. The typical college student graduates with their bachelors degree between the ages of 21-23 years old. The average human lives to be 65-70 years old. So, if a person we're to quit studying at the age of 23 imagine how uneducated they would be compared to what they have the potential to be.
So, basically, my point is that I beieve that just because someone doesn't study a bunch of different topics in college; doesn't mean that they are uneducated. I believe that it is important to pursue further education after college whether it is in the form of getting another degree, or if it is just reading the newspaper every day. I believe that forcing students to take classes that have nothing to do with thier majors is wrong, and I believe that liberal arts colleges who believe in that structure of education set their students up to fail. They keep their students in school longer than they should be in school because, their students are not taking the classes that they need to graduate. The teacher who suggested this liberal arts idea to me is one of the administrative staff who makes a lot of decisions for our school, and I feel like the school I go to is failing because of this liberal arts mindset that they unknowingly practice. Students here do not typically graduate on time, and it's becuase the ones who are not ministry majors have to take a load of classes that have nothing to do with their specific majors. I have suffered because of this, and I feel really bad for any student who has to go through the same struggles that I've had at this school. I am looking forward to transfering in the next couple months, and I am definitly excited about getting a real education. I just hope that I'm not too far behind because of this school.
~Matt~
Friday, November 07, 2008
Let us Pray
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.”
-I Timothy 2:1-2
I am typically pretty apathetic when it comes to politics. However, God showed me this verse today and reminded me that even though I don't agree with our current President-elect; I need to pray for him, and show him the respect he deserves as my authority. I don't like Barack Obama, and I'll never agree with his policies or his morals. However, I will love him by the grace of God because he is the man that God has positioned as the President for this time. I encourage anyone who reads this to remember to pray for our nation, pray for our president, and remember to thank God for all that He has given to us here in America. Let us not take for granted all of the blessings that we have.
-Matt-
-I Timothy 2:1-2
I am typically pretty apathetic when it comes to politics. However, God showed me this verse today and reminded me that even though I don't agree with our current President-elect; I need to pray for him, and show him the respect he deserves as my authority. I don't like Barack Obama, and I'll never agree with his policies or his morals. However, I will love him by the grace of God because he is the man that God has positioned as the President for this time. I encourage anyone who reads this to remember to pray for our nation, pray for our president, and remember to thank God for all that He has given to us here in America. Let us not take for granted all of the blessings that we have.
-Matt-
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Hanging by a Moment here FOR you...
"Hanging by A Moment" by Lifehouse
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Theres nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you
I listened to this song the other day and thought to myself, "Am I really so eager to hear from the Lord again that I'm hanging by every moment?" Since that day, I think I've achieved a better understanding of what this song describes. This week I've been absolutely desperate for Jesus to whisper in my ear and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I've been wanting so badly to here his voice, and I am literally on the edge of my proverbial seat waiting for Him to say something. I am constantly positioning myself in places and situations where I think He'll be, but to no avail. I have come to the conclusion that God needs me to wait for Him. He has been waiting for me for a long time, and I think it may take a little longer than I personally want it to for God to whisper in my ear again. Until that day; I'm going to praise Jesus and honor Him with everything I am. I'll just have to learn to wait from the edge of my seat.
-Matt-
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Theres nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you
I listened to this song the other day and thought to myself, "Am I really so eager to hear from the Lord again that I'm hanging by every moment?" Since that day, I think I've achieved a better understanding of what this song describes. This week I've been absolutely desperate for Jesus to whisper in my ear and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I've been wanting so badly to here his voice, and I am literally on the edge of my proverbial seat waiting for Him to say something. I am constantly positioning myself in places and situations where I think He'll be, but to no avail. I have come to the conclusion that God needs me to wait for Him. He has been waiting for me for a long time, and I think it may take a little longer than I personally want it to for God to whisper in my ear again. Until that day; I'm going to praise Jesus and honor Him with everything I am. I'll just have to learn to wait from the edge of my seat.
-Matt-
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
My Roadblock
This week has been far and away the worst of my life. I would be dishonest if I said right now that I'm ok; so, I wont lie to everyone. Something inside of me is broken. I don't think it's my heart, but it is definitly a wrenching feeling somewhere in my chest. It is absolutely tearing me apart to see my best friend hurting so badly. I want to run to her, give her a hug, and tell her everything is going to be ok, but I can't. God needs me to run to Him, and to guide my best friend to Him too. I want so badly for my best friend to know that it's not her fault that I'm hurting. Yes, it does make me sad to see my best friend hurting so badly, but it isn't her fault that this was such a bad week or me.
The thing I'm stuggling with the most right now is giving everything to Jesus. I'm finding out more about myself this week than I ever have before. I've realized that even though I say it everyday, and I tell other people to do it...I don't completely trust Jesus. That is my biggest struggle right now. I have been convincing myself for the past year that I gave my entire life to Jesus, but the truth of the matter is that now that there is something in my life that I don't want to give up. I'm having a very hard time trusting the Lord. I know that giving it up for now is what I need to do, but I keep going back and forth. I guess the reason I'm writing this is to say that the two goals I have set for myself are to pray without ceasing as Paul suggested, and to become a man after God's own heart like David. I have hit a roadblock on my path, but please know that even though it's taking me a little time to climb over it; I will make it over, and I will learn to trust the Lord with everything in my life. Just keep praying for me.
-Matt-
The thing I'm stuggling with the most right now is giving everything to Jesus. I'm finding out more about myself this week than I ever have before. I've realized that even though I say it everyday, and I tell other people to do it...I don't completely trust Jesus. That is my biggest struggle right now. I have been convincing myself for the past year that I gave my entire life to Jesus, but the truth of the matter is that now that there is something in my life that I don't want to give up. I'm having a very hard time trusting the Lord. I know that giving it up for now is what I need to do, but I keep going back and forth. I guess the reason I'm writing this is to say that the two goals I have set for myself are to pray without ceasing as Paul suggested, and to become a man after God's own heart like David. I have hit a roadblock on my path, but please know that even though it's taking me a little time to climb over it; I will make it over, and I will learn to trust the Lord with everything in my life. Just keep praying for me.
-Matt-
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Aquiring Wisdom
So, I have made a decision. I have decided that I am going to learn something new on my own everyday for the rest of my life. I never want to stop learning, and I think I'd get bored if I wasn't trying to learn something new. It may sound a little lame, but this is one of my new goals.
Then he taught me and said to me,
"Let your heart hold fast my words;
Keep my commandments and live;
Acquire wisdom!
Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.
The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.
Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.
Proverbs 4:4-8
I think that this passage in scripture sums up my goal fairly well.
Oh, and as a sidenote, I'm having a very difficult day today. The Lord is really dealing with my heart, and it is hard. My heart feels very heavy today, and I don't have any energy or motivation to get any of my work done. The only reason I have for finishing school this semester is that I get to leave this school, and leaving means living at home which I'm not sure I'm ready for. This next year scares me and excites me at the same time; however, I think the excitement outways the fear by just enough to keep me going.
-Matt-
Then he taught me and said to me,
"Let your heart hold fast my words;
Keep my commandments and live;
Acquire wisdom!
Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.
The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.
Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.
Proverbs 4:4-8
I think that this passage in scripture sums up my goal fairly well.
Oh, and as a sidenote, I'm having a very difficult day today. The Lord is really dealing with my heart, and it is hard. My heart feels very heavy today, and I don't have any energy or motivation to get any of my work done. The only reason I have for finishing school this semester is that I get to leave this school, and leaving means living at home which I'm not sure I'm ready for. This next year scares me and excites me at the same time; however, I think the excitement outways the fear by just enough to keep me going.
-Matt-
Monday, November 03, 2008
My New Favorite Song
"Breathe" by Anberlin
This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.
No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.
No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
I really like this song. It really describes how I've felt lately. I have finally surrendered the battle that I have been fighting on the inside. I've let God win, and I feel like I can finally breathe. Even though the transitions I'm going through are going to take time to get used to, and are going to be really hard. I'm glad that I'll be transitioning with Jesus.
-Matt-
This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.
No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.
No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.
I really like this song. It really describes how I've felt lately. I have finally surrendered the battle that I have been fighting on the inside. I've let God win, and I feel like I can finally breathe. Even though the transitions I'm going through are going to take time to get used to, and are going to be really hard. I'm glad that I'll be transitioning with Jesus.
-Matt-
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Jami Smith\ Your Love Is Deep
Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide
Deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I travel
Wider than the gap You filled
Who shall separate us
Who shall separate us from Your love
Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us from Your love
We sang this song in Church today, and I absolutely love it...Trying to imagine that God's love for me is "deeper than my view of grace" blows my mind! My view of grace being that Jesus died for me; thus, giving me the free gift of eternal life which could only be done out of unconditional love. If God's love goes even deeper than that, and it does, than my entire life should reflect that love. I want my entire life to be a reflection of God's love for me. I want that to be the first thing that people notice about me,and the only thing they remember. God is so amazing.
-Matt-
Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide
Deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I travel
Wider than the gap You filled
Who shall separate us
Who shall separate us from Your love
Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us from Your love
We sang this song in Church today, and I absolutely love it...Trying to imagine that God's love for me is "deeper than my view of grace" blows my mind! My view of grace being that Jesus died for me; thus, giving me the free gift of eternal life which could only be done out of unconditional love. If God's love goes even deeper than that, and it does, than my entire life should reflect that love. I want my entire life to be a reflection of God's love for me. I want that to be the first thing that people notice about me,and the only thing they remember. God is so amazing.
-Matt-
Saturday, November 01, 2008
I've realized in the last two days that there are very few people in my life who actually encourage me. I think I've needed some encouragement more in the past two days than I ever have in my life, and there doesn't seem to be anyone around me who undertands enough to encourage me. There is a serious lack of Godly men in my life who encourage me, and that is something I drastically need. I know that only my close friends read this (possibly a few others) and I would like to take this opportunity to ask you all to be praying for me. I haven't slept the last two nights, and I'm afraid that I'll develop some of the same poor sleeping habits that I've had in the past. Please pray for me...
-Matt-
-Matt-
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