Doubt

Lately, I've been making a lot of decisions that have quite a bit of wieght on my future. This past month has been very rough for me here at Ecclesia, and I feel like God is calling me someplace else. I have been very sick for the entire month of October; in fact, I have only kept a few meals down since I've been back at school. My class work greatly outnumbers the ammount of education that I'm being given, and I'm finding it hard to remain joyful.

I have made the decision to listen to the Lord, and follow Him wherever he tells me to go. Right now, I believe that God is telling me to go to Pulaski Technical College for one semester to finish up a few of my general studies classes, and then transfer to UALR in the fall. This was not an easy decision to make. I have been praying about it a lot this past month, and I feel like this is the right thing to do.

Even though I feel like this is what God is calling me to do; I am still unsure about what the future holds. This past week my mind has been attacked with doubt, and plauged with worry. It's affecting every area in my life, and I hate that I've allowed these things that are not of the Lord to take me over. It has been causing me to think only of myself, and ignore the people around me who need me most. I realize that I am not perfect, but some days I feel like I need to be and I wish I was. The constant fear of failure is tearing me apart, and is hurting the people around me as well.

God is good, and I know that He has redeemed me, and I know that He doesn't expect me to be perfect. I am choosing to put my trust completely in Jesus, and I am no longer going to let myself or any other circumstance come in the way. I am so thankful to have a savior who loves me enough to buy me back even when I've sold myself into the slavery that is sin. I cannot be perfect, and that is ok. I'm just so happy that God wont ever leave me feeling empty; in fact, the longer I allow God to pour into my life, the fuller I'll become until I'm overflowing with Christ. That is where I want to be; standing next to Jesus with Him pouring into me. Without any doubt in my mind that I can trust Jesus.

-Matt-