Today was a good day despite my previous post...I spent some much needed time with the Lord today, and I feel a peace that can only be from Jesus. I am no longer upset; I wish I had done a better job, but I know that the Lord redeems, and I trust that He will continue to direct my path. I still have my best friend in the world, and for that I am thankful...God is so good to me, and I don't deserve it. I think I'm going to be ok.
-Matt-
Friday, October 31, 2008
Empty...
Today I feel like an empty glass in the middle of a desert. I'm longing to be filled, but I know that it would't help today because, I'm still in a desert. I need someone to come along and carry me out this awful place because I'm slowly dying, and I ache inside. I am the one who walked into this awful desert, and I've realized now that I'm in the middle that I do not have the strength to get myself out.
Right now, I need Jesus in a way that I have never understood before. I have been trying learn as much as I can about Him, and in the process of my study, I forgot to spend quality time with Him. I can honestly say that Jesus is my best friend, and every day that I don't spend time with Him is miserable. I am so broken today.
My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, and I realize that it is completely my fault. I dragged one of the most precious things to me through the mud, and didn't respect their value. I thought that I knew what I was doing. I thought that I knew what God ws telling me, and I thought that I was strong. I was wrong...I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong! And now I'm broken, I'm hurting, and I'm confused. All because I was not obedient to my Father. I will not ever let that happen again. Because Jesus has found me in this desert, and He will get me out.
-Matt-
Right now, I need Jesus in a way that I have never understood before. I have been trying learn as much as I can about Him, and in the process of my study, I forgot to spend quality time with Him. I can honestly say that Jesus is my best friend, and every day that I don't spend time with Him is miserable. I am so broken today.
My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, and I realize that it is completely my fault. I dragged one of the most precious things to me through the mud, and didn't respect their value. I thought that I knew what I was doing. I thought that I knew what God ws telling me, and I thought that I was strong. I was wrong...I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong! And now I'm broken, I'm hurting, and I'm confused. All because I was not obedient to my Father. I will not ever let that happen again. Because Jesus has found me in this desert, and He will get me out.
-Matt-
Friday, October 24, 2008
Doubt
Lately, I've been making a lot of decisions that have quite a bit of wieght on my future. This past month has been very rough for me here at Ecclesia, and I feel like God is calling me someplace else. I have been very sick for the entire month of October; in fact, I have only kept a few meals down since I've been back at school. My class work greatly outnumbers the ammount of education that I'm being given, and I'm finding it hard to remain joyful.
I have made the decision to listen to the Lord, and follow Him wherever he tells me to go. Right now, I believe that God is telling me to go to Pulaski Technical College for one semester to finish up a few of my general studies classes, and then transfer to UALR in the fall. This was not an easy decision to make. I have been praying about it a lot this past month, and I feel like this is the right thing to do.
Even though I feel like this is what God is calling me to do; I am still unsure about what the future holds. This past week my mind has been attacked with doubt, and plauged with worry. It's affecting every area in my life, and I hate that I've allowed these things that are not of the Lord to take me over. It has been causing me to think only of myself, and ignore the people around me who need me most. I realize that I am not perfect, but some days I feel like I need to be and I wish I was. The constant fear of failure is tearing me apart, and is hurting the people around me as well.
God is good, and I know that He has redeemed me, and I know that He doesn't expect me to be perfect. I am choosing to put my trust completely in Jesus, and I am no longer going to let myself or any other circumstance come in the way. I am so thankful to have a savior who loves me enough to buy me back even when I've sold myself into the slavery that is sin. I cannot be perfect, and that is ok. I'm just so happy that God wont ever leave me feeling empty; in fact, the longer I allow God to pour into my life, the fuller I'll become until I'm overflowing with Christ. That is where I want to be; standing next to Jesus with Him pouring into me. Without any doubt in my mind that I can trust Jesus.
-Matt-
I have made the decision to listen to the Lord, and follow Him wherever he tells me to go. Right now, I believe that God is telling me to go to Pulaski Technical College for one semester to finish up a few of my general studies classes, and then transfer to UALR in the fall. This was not an easy decision to make. I have been praying about it a lot this past month, and I feel like this is the right thing to do.
Even though I feel like this is what God is calling me to do; I am still unsure about what the future holds. This past week my mind has been attacked with doubt, and plauged with worry. It's affecting every area in my life, and I hate that I've allowed these things that are not of the Lord to take me over. It has been causing me to think only of myself, and ignore the people around me who need me most. I realize that I am not perfect, but some days I feel like I need to be and I wish I was. The constant fear of failure is tearing me apart, and is hurting the people around me as well.
God is good, and I know that He has redeemed me, and I know that He doesn't expect me to be perfect. I am choosing to put my trust completely in Jesus, and I am no longer going to let myself or any other circumstance come in the way. I am so thankful to have a savior who loves me enough to buy me back even when I've sold myself into the slavery that is sin. I cannot be perfect, and that is ok. I'm just so happy that God wont ever leave me feeling empty; in fact, the longer I allow God to pour into my life, the fuller I'll become until I'm overflowing with Christ. That is where I want to be; standing next to Jesus with Him pouring into me. Without any doubt in my mind that I can trust Jesus.
-Matt-
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
