Recent Revelations...

Ok, since the Sunday before last, God has been showing me things about my life that I never thought possible, and that I still don't completely understand. My is not to make predictions about my future; but rather, my goal is to explain what God has been showing me, and to let you know how I feel about it.

I went to a new church two Sudays ago and I don't think I'll ever go back, but the experience was definitly a good one. The pastor talked that Sunday about the walls we build in our lives that keep us from from doing God's will. I went home that afternoon feeling very challenged, and that night I spent a long time on my knees talking to God about the walls that I had built. The highest wall in my life is the fear of failing. My fear of failure has kept me from doing God's will for quite some time, and I am positive that it is the reason why God has waited until now to show me the things that He has shown me this week.

The following Monday morning I felt lead to start praying about marriage. I thought it was odd that God would ask me to pray about marriage right now since I've committed myself to singleness for this next year, but I started praying anyways. I started by praying first that God would prepare me and my future wife both spiritually and mentally for marriage (something I used to do every day and wish I had never stopped), and then I prayed for God's timing as well. That was the tricky one for me because, in my mind I already had an idea of when I thought I would be prepared to get married. I've had this idea that I needed to have a degree and a steady job indoctrinated into my mind by so many people, and I bought into that idea. I mean, it seems like the practical and intelligent thing to do, but God told me no this week. God told me last wednesday, and then confirmed it in my mind again on Monday night, through an article I read, that I do not need to have a degree or a full time job to be married (even though both would be nice). Going back to what I said before, my fear of failure has kept me from trusting God with every area of my life. And my fear of failing financially within the confines of marriage is something that absolutely terrifies me. God reminded me this week that as long as I trust Him and honor Him with my life He will provide everything that I need. I guess it's kind of sad that I forgot how much God provides since I get to see how much He provides for my family every day. God has made it very clear to me that I need this year to prepare myself for marriage, and beyond that I don't think I should say much more right now. God is good and I am so thankful for all that He is revealing to me right now, and I am so excited about what the future holds. I'll be writing more on this later because there is so much more to this, but right now I don't think it would be wise for me to share too many details.
It's just exciting to me too know that God is moving inside of me and has amazing plans for me.

~Matt