The Difference...

Point of Difference by Hillsong

"the tide is turning/this is redemptions hour/in the midst of a world lost for love/You are all we have now/the lost returning/salvation is all around/in the midst of the world broken down/You are all we have now/for You are God and this hope is ours/so Father open the skies/flood the earth with Your light/this is love/to break the world indifferent/our hearts are burning/a fire that won't burn out/in the midst of a world that's grown cold/You are all we have now/the earth resounding/the anthem of your reknown/as we lift up our eyes/and look to Your glory/call us out/let the world see You are /this hope is ours/so call us out/let the world see You are God, as we sing/so Father open the skies/flood the earth with Your light/this is love/to break the world indifferent/as we lift up our eyes/fill our hearts with Your fire/in a world of sin we'll be different, the difference/our eyes are open/every chain now broken/in this world/we are different/let Your love become us/as we live to make You famous/in this world we are different/so call us out/let the world see You are God, as we sing/so call us out/let the world see You are God/one and only/in this world/You are all we have now..."

What an Awesome Reminder that we are called to spread God's word to everyone here on Earth. If we could all realize the importance of being a light in a world as dark as this; we might be able to, "break a world indifferent."

The Closer I Come to You...

This past year, my life has been turned upside down. I used to be a jerk; I used to be the guy who made fun of everyone for no particular reason; I had an excuse for anything, and I lied about everything. My relationship with my family was a joke. I went to church, and played the role of "good christian guy" while outside of the church I was a person that I wish I'd never been. However, since the end of my senior year, my life has changed drastically. My dad and I have reconciled our relationship, and I've made the decision to make my faith real. I no longer feel like I have to impress anyone. I am just trying to be myself now. This hasn't been easy, but I know that if I hadn't gone to Ecclesia I'd be right back where I started. The atmosphere at this school (though the people are a bit odd) is the right one for me to be in. It is teaching me patience, understanding, and how to be selfless. I've stopped worrying about my own problems, and now I care about the people around me. I thank God every day for my "best friends" and the ways that they build me up, and make me a better person.

This is probably my favorite song:
Cadence by "Anberlin"

"Write down, to remind yourself on how it can be/ how it can be/Heartstrings/you're tugging at my heartstrings/ my heartstrings/Helpless/I have become so helpless/ to your touch, oh touch me somehow/Restless, you leave me restless/breathless wait for me/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/You're a miracle to me/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/You're a miracle to me/Burning, like Joan of Arc to see you, just to feel you/Cadence, well I'd dance with the dead 'cause I believe, yes I believe, yes I believe/Stifle, Paul said that you stifle him again and again and again/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/You're a miracle to me/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/You're a miracle to me/And if these are my parting words/Grant me this, my last request/Hold me here, until I sleep/If I burn, then I burn for you/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/The closer I come to youthe closer I am to finding God/You're a miracle to me/The closer I come to you/the closer I am to finding God/You're a miracle to me."

A Random Thought, and a Song...

So, I'm sitting in one of my "classes" listening to a guy that repeats himself twice a week for an hour and twenty minutes. I'm not sure if he doesn't realize that he never teaches us anything, or if he really believes that talking about the lives of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Sam Walton is teaching us about Macroeconomics. He just talks about how great they are, and how much money they make; he never teaches us any theory or practical knowledge about how to actually make money ourselves. It bothers me that I was forced to buy a $180 book for a class that doesn't use it. Maybe after administration gets his review it'll wake him up to the fact that he may know a lot about his subject, but he doesn't know how to teach.

On a completely different and less bitter note. I've been listening to this song a lot, so, I decided to put it up here and say a few words about it.

Alexithymia by Anberlin:

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
Don't believe anything you say
Anymore, in the morn, in the morning

Bricks to this old house are breaking
Steel would have weathered but now forlorning
It's alarming how loud the silence screams
No warn, no warn, no warning

Addictions fill the table where the family used to sit
And conversate
Conversate to the sounds
To the sounds of a record player
With it's jumping needle and the lights that grow dim over time

With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive

Are you where you thought you'd be
So beautiful and only twenty-three
Opposition rests in the hearts
With no, with no, with no opportunity

It's not that we don't talk
It's just no one really listens and honesty fades
Like a politician lost in the course
All smiles and no one remembers our names

With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
Don't believe anything I say
Anymore, in the morn, in the morning

With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive

I love the lyrics to this song, but it's really the message that makes me like it so much.
"There's more to living than being alive."
So simple, yet so true...

A Couple Random Thoughts

It's interesting how the immediate future always seems so clear, but when I try to look beyond a couple of months the future becomes blurry. I like to have a plan for everything. I like to know the outcome before the end. Don't get me wrong, I still like surprises, but sometimes it's nice to know when it's coming so I can resond accordingly. Life seems to be speeding past me on a deserted highway. I feel like I'm walking along in the sand; seeing nothing but mirages. I'm just glad I have someone walking with me.

This may not come as a shock to anyone that knows me, but I watched Donnie Darko (again) the other night. It amazes me that I can watch a movie for possibly the 30th or 40th time, and still form new ideas and theories based off of it's contents. I can't help but wonder if the writer of this movie wanted Donnie to be portayed as a Christ figure. I almost hope that the writer wrote this movie as a "message in disguise." I doubt it, but it's a nice thought at least.

Well, class is about to end, and I need to do a few things before our work assembly meeting. So, I may try to post a few more thoughts tonight...but for now, this is all I have.

The Ride...

As cliché as it may sound; life is a roller coaster. It's fast, intense, scary, and at times a little boring. The easy times are like the simple downhill slopes. They're fun, safe, and put virtually no stress on the body. The stressful times are like all the twists and turns. It's fast and dizzying; the G forces pull you in directions that you don't want to go, but all the while you keep telling yourself that the ride will be over soon, and theres nothing to worry about. The loops are the confusing times; when everything that you thought you knew to be true gets turned upside down and drastically changes the ride. The hard times are like the long climb to the very top of the ride. Theres much struggle, no one really enjoys it, and you're never quite sure what kind of outcome to expect. However, the top of that ride is the most exciting point in anyones life. It's the climax, the pinnacle, the point where you can see everything around you, and everything is clear. It's the point in the ride where everything seems to stand still, and the only way to experience the rest of the ride is to take the plunge to the bottom. It's exciting, exhilarating, and when you get to the end of the ride. Through the good times, bad times, stressful, and confusing times. All you want to do is try it again. It's at the top of the ride where a decision is made. Am I going to enjoy the ride? or am I going to close my eyes, and pretend that nothing bad is ever going to happen to me?...

What keeps me up at night...

Four weeks of school left, and I'm searching deep within myself for the energy to finish strong. I'm absolutey mentally exhausted. It seems like the only things keeping me going are my relationships with my friends, and my fear of failure. The first one relaxes me, and makes my life much more peaceful. The second keeps me up at night. I try not to worry, but the bar has been set very high for me. I'm the oldest unmarried male in the Roop family, and everyone expects great things out of me. It's not that I don't think I can live up to their expectations, but it's that I feel like I have to, and that makes life really stressful. I've been trying to not worry as much these past few weeks, and it's helping. I'm sleeping better, and I actually feel somewhat rested for once. I just felt like I needed to be honest with the reason for my lack of sleep.

Just Another Rainy Day...

So, today is rainy, and it has me thinking about life more than usual. I don't know what it is about rain, but it makes me think clearly. I love the sound, smell, and the beauty of rain. However, I wish it were sunny today. We've had way too much rain this semester, and I'd really like to spend some time outside. The truth of the matter is that even though rain causes me to think clearly; sunny days are peaceful. I think too much, and I wish I could shut off my thoughts for awhile. Sunny days help me do that. When I sit outside with the sun on my face, and the cool breeze blowing through my hair, I feel like I don't need to think about anything. And it's those sunny days that I long for.


"Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day.
Rain, rain, go away.
Come again some other day.
Little Arthur wants to play,
In the meadow by the hay.
Rain, rain, go to Spain,
Never show your face again.
Rain, rain, pour down,
But not a drop on our town.
Rain on the green grass,
and rain on the tree,
And rain on the housetop,
but not on me.
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again on washing day.
Rain, rain, go to Germany,
And remain there permanently.
Rain, rain, go away,
Come on Martha's wedding day."

How to save a life...

So, something that I've never been able to understand is the concept of suicide. I have never felt pain or been hurt to the point of wanting to end my life, and I imagine that I never will. I can't understand how anyone (especially someone who believes in God) would want to end their life here in exchange for an eternity in Hell.
I have recently been confronted by someone who told me he was going to end his life. At first I had no idea how to respond to what he said. To be completely honest, I was scared. everything within me was hoping that it was just another joke, but when he handed me his phone, and asked me to call his family and inform them about what he was planning on doing. I got it. I knew he wasn't kidding, and I reacted, which is very unlike me. I usually allow people to deal with their own problems because, it doesn't affect me. I've realized that I need to stop worrying about myself so much, and give other people the time of day that they deserve. The good news is that the guy that told me he wanted to end his life is still alive, but he's still struggling. He called me from the hospital tonight and told me that he is going to spend the night in the ICU. He sounded like he was scared to death, all he wanted was to talk to someone. He sounded ashamed, and that broke my heart. I wanted to be there with him; I wanted to give him a hug and tell him that everything is going to be alright. Tonight was the first time I've cried in a long time.
The tears I cried tonight were not sad tears. In fact, I'm not quite sure what kind of tears they were. Maybe sypathetic? Maybe happiness? More than likely they were tears of relief. I feel a certian sense of peace with the situation now that he's being helped. Trying to help him by myself was too big of a burden, and I am so relieved to not have to worry about it anymore.
Even though dealing with this situation was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do; I am very glad that it happened to me. Through all of this I have learned a lot about myself, and about other people. I've learned how do love people that I have nothing in common with, and I've learned that I am not as strong as I thought I was. I've learned how do deal with conflict ( or at least I'm better at it now ). And I think most importantly of all, I've learned to trust God above everything else in my life. I recently told God that I am done trying to do things my own way, and that I am willing to live completely for Him....And I know that decision made this weekend a lot easier. I just hope that everything will be ok for the the guy in the ICU....I hope by stopping him, I saved his life.